How It Works
This is fairly low-tech. Deliberately.
Download My Eulogy File.
Get yourself a notebook, binder, folder, or document especially for your answers.
Read the prompts.
Write as much or as little as you have to say.
Keep everything somewhere safe.
Tell somebody you trust where it is.
Update it occasionally.
Eventually, hopefully a very long time from now, somebody uses it.
That’s essentially the whole system.
There are no boxes you have to squeeze your life into. No accounts to maintain. No personal information stored with us. And no requirement to remember yet another password for the next forty years.
Your File belongs to you.
Here’s how it works.
1. Get My Eulogy File
My Eulogy File is a downloadable guided workbook designed to help you explore and record the material behind a good eulogy.
Not just dates and facts.
The people.
The stories.
What you were actually like.
What mattered.
What went wrong.
What you’re proud of.
What you want remembered.
What you’d rather remained private.
And what you’d really prefer nobody stood up at your funeral and said.
The download contains the questions and prompts.
Your answers go somewhere of your choosing.
2. Choose Where Your Eulogy File Will Live
Before you start, give your answers a home.
You could use:
a notebook;
a ring binder;
a folder of handwritten pages;
a document on your computer;
or a combination of paper and digital files.
Choose whatever you’ll actually use.
We deliberately haven’t put little writing boxes underneath every question in the download.
Because how are we supposed to know how much you have to say?
One question might get:
No.
Another might remind you of something you haven’t thought about for thirty years and produce six pages.
We’d rather give you room.
So think of the downloadable workbook as your guide, and whatever you choose to write in as your File.
Keep the two together, or make it very obvious that they belong together.
3. Decide What You’re Trying to Create
You don’t need to know this before you begin.
But eventually, your File might become one of several things.
A finished eulogy
You write the whole thing yourself.
Somebody eventually reads it, or uses it according to the instructions you’ve left.
A draft eulogy
You do most of the work but give somebody else permission to adapt, update, or finish it.
Material for somebody else
You don’t write a eulogy at all.
You leave the facts, stories, people, details, messages, and instructions, then let somebody who knows you write it in their own words.
A work in progress
Because you’re still alive.
Which does rather complicate attempts to produce the definitive version.
You can change your mind later.
4. Start Wherever You Want
There are ten chapters in My Eulogy File.
You can begin at Chapter 1 and diligently work your way through.
Or you can immediately skip to For God’s Sake, Don’t Say That because you already have several complaints you’d like formally recorded.
Both approaches are valid.
Use the questions in the workbook as prompts.
Then write in your notebook, folder, or document.
You don’t have to answer every question.
You don’t have to answer them in order.
You don’t even have to answer them individually.
One prompt might spark an entire story that answers five other questions at the same time.
Excellent.
Write the story.
This isn’t a form.
There is no prize for filling every available space because there aren’t any available spaces.
5. Write as Much as the Answer Needs
This is one of the reasons your answers live separately from the workbook.
Some questions will get two words.
Some might get two lines.
Some might get six pages.
All are valid.
If we gave you three neat lines underneath:
Tell us about the most important relationship in your life
we’d either be wildly optimistic or slightly insulting.
So don’t think about how much you should write.
Think about whether you’ve recorded what you wanted to record.
If that’s one sentence, stop.
If you’re still writing forty minutes later, carry on.
6. Make It Easy to Find Things Again
If you’re using a notebook or binder, give your answers headings that match the chapters in My Eulogy File.
For example:
Chapter 3: My People
My sister
My oldest friend
People I’ve lost
Chapter 5: The Stories
The France disaster
Dad and the Christmas tree
The story everyone tells incorrectly
You don’t need an elaborate filing system.
But remember that somebody else may eventually be reading this without you sitting beside them explaining:
No, no, that’s in the blue notebook. About three-quarters of the way through. After the thing about the dog.
Page numbers, headings, dividers, dates, and labels are your friends.
7. Build It Over Time
You do not need to spend an entire weekend contemplating your eventual death.
In fact, we’d rather you didn’t.
Use your File occasionally.
Remember a story?
Add it.
Realise you’ve completely forgotten to mention somebody important?
Add them.
Change your mind about something?
Change it.
Develop a previously unimaginable passion for competitive vegetable growing at 73?
Your File can accommodate this development.
You might even keep a few blank pages between sections in a notebook or use a ring binder precisely because you can add things wherever they belong.
The point is that the File can grow with you.
A File started at 45 doesn’t have to remain an accurate description of the person you are at 75.
8. Decide What Other People Are Allowed to See
This is important.
Not everything you write needs to become part of your eulogy.
Some information might be:
Public
Fine to use in the eulogy or share with other people.
Background
Useful for whoever writes the eulogy, but not necessarily something to read aloud.
Private
Not for public use.
For a particular person
A message or piece of information intended for someone specific.
Not to be used
You wanted to record it. You don’t want it repeated.
Mark sensitive material clearly in whatever you’re writing in.
Don’t assume the person reading your File will be able to work out what you intended.
PRIVATE: DO NOT USE IN MY EULOGY is considerably more helpful than hoping they’ll pick up on the tone.
Your death doesn’t automatically turn your private life into public property.
9. Complete About This File
The download includes a practical section called About This File.
This is one section we do want you to complete clearly.
It tells the person who eventually finds everything:
when you started;
when you last updated it;
whether you’ve left a finished eulogy, a draft, or material only;
where your main File is kept;
whether other copies exist;
who knows about it;
who you’d like to handle it;
whether they’re allowed to edit what you’ve written;
and how private material should be treated.
If you’re keeping your answers in a separate notebook or folder, About This File should make that completely clear.
For example:
My answers are in the green A4 ring binder labelled MY EULOGY in the filing cabinet.
Much better than:
You’ll find it somewhere. Probably.
10. Keep the Workbook and Your Answers Together
They don’t necessarily need to be physically attached.
But somebody needs to understand that they belong together.
If you’re using a ring binder, this is easy.
Print the workbook and put your answers behind the relevant sections.
If you’re using a notebook, keep the workbook with it or label the notebook clearly as the companion to My Eulogy File.
If you’re working digitally, create a clearly named folder containing the workbook and your answers.
For example:
MY EULOGY FILE
is preferable to:
stuff
This is one situation where mysterious filing practices are unlikely to add charm.
11. Keep It Somewhere Safe
Your File could become very personal.
It might contain information about relationships, regrets, family history, difficult experiences, private messages, and things you’ve never told anybody.
So think about two questions:
Can the wrong person easily access it?
and
Can the right person eventually access it?
Those requirements occasionally disagree.
You don’t need to give everybody access now.
You just need a sensible way for the right person to find it when necessary.
And if your File is digital, back it up.
You’ve gone to considerable trouble to record your life.
Losing it because somebody spilled tea on a laptop would be irritating.
12. Tell Someone It Exists
This may be the most important practical step.
Choose at least one person you trust and tell them:
I’ve made a My Eulogy File.
Tell them where it is.
Tell them what form it takes.
Tell them whether they’re the person you’d like to handle it.
You don’t necessarily have to let them read it while you’re alive.
You can simply say:
There’s a folder in this place. When I die, that’s when I want you to open it.
Then record that person’s name in About This File.
Otherwise, you could create the most thoughtful eulogy resource imaginable and successfully hide it from everyone who might ever need it.
13. Keep More Than One Copy If You Need To
If you’ve put serious time into your File, consider having a backup.
For a handwritten File, you might occasionally scan or photograph important pages.
For a digital File, keep a second copy somewhere appropriate.
For particularly important instructions, you might keep both a printed and digital version.
If you have multiple copies, make it clear which is the main one.
And date substantial updates.
We are trying to avoid:
Eulogy.docx
Eulogy-new.docx
Eulogy-FINAL.docx
Eulogy-FINAL2.docx
USE-THIS-EULOGY.docx
Eulogy-actually-use-this-one.docx
Nobody needs that on the week of your funeral.
14. Review It Occasionally
There is no required schedule.
This isn’t dental hygiene.
But it makes sense to revisit your File when something significant changes.
A new relationship.
A bereavement.
A marriage or separation.
A new child or grandchild.
A major move.
A change in beliefs.
A new chapter of your life.
Or simply the realisation that the person who wrote your File ten years ago had some questionable opinions.
You can also open it for no particular reason.
Read a few pages.
Add something.
Cross something out.
Then disappear again.
Put a last updated date in About This File whenever you make substantial changes.
That may eventually help somebody enormously.
15. Decide Whether You Want to Write the Eulogy
Eventually, you may have enough material to write it.
Chapter 10 helps you decide what belongs.
You’ll pull together:
the essential people;
the best stories;
the details that make you recognisable;
the things that mattered;
anything difficult that needs acknowledging;
and anything you’d like to say yourself.
Then you can write a finished eulogy.
Or a draft.
Or look at your increasingly substantial notebook and decide:
No. Somebody else can do this bit.
Perfectly reasonable.
Your File has still done its job.
16. Make Your Instructions Clear
Once you’ve reached a point where you’d be happy for somebody to use what you’ve created, go back to About This File.
Update the status.
Tell them what you’ve left.
If you’ve written a finished eulogy, say exactly where it is.
Say whether it can be edited.
Identify the person you’d like to handle everything.
Check your privacy instructions.
Make sure the location information is still correct.
And date it.
You don’t need to declare the File permanently finished.
You just need to make the current position understandable.
Then Go and Live Your Life
That’s an actual step.
Put the notebook away.
Close the folder.
Forget about it for a while.
You’ve recorded some things that matter.
Hopefully you’ll now acquire another ten, twenty, or thirty years’ worth of material that makes half of it hopelessly out of date.
That’s a good problem.
Eventually, Someone Else Takes Over
This is the part none of us can schedule particularly accurately.
After you die, somebody you trusted should know that your File exists and where to find it.
They start with About This File.
Then there’s When You Need This, written specifically for them.
It explains how to navigate everything you’ve left, respect your privacy, find the useful material, and use it to prepare your eulogy.
If you’ve written a finished eulogy, they have your instructions.
If you’ve left a draft, they can work from it.
If you’ve left material only, they have something potentially even more useful:
you.
Your people.
Your stories.
Your words.
Your opinions.
Your ridiculous habits.
Your version of what happened.
And several strongly worded instructions from Chapter 8.
They won’t know everything.
Nobody ever does.
But they won’t be starting from scratch.
That’s It
There doesn’t need to be an app.
There doesn’t need to be an online vault.
There doesn’t need to be a box on a screen deciding you’ve been allocated four lines to explain your relationship with your mother.
That’s exactly why we don’t give you writing spaces.
We give you the questions.
You decide how much the answers need.
Get a notebook.
Start a folder.
Open a document.
Write two words.
Write six pages.
Keep it somewhere safe.
Tell somebody where it is.
Then get on with being alive.
Hopefully for a very long time.
Leave them enough to get you right.